I’ve been staring at this blank page for months, maybe years, trying to figure out where to start. As someone who learns from the bottom up, I wanted to begin at the beginning… lay out my entire life story chronologically, document every system failure, every trauma, every revelation. But that’s not how awakening works. It’s messier, more circular, with pieces clicking into place when you least expect them.
So instead, I’m starting here… Hi, I’m Shay, and this blog is my attempt to document what happens when you start questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world. Think of it as a live implementation log… I’m testing theories, breaking down systems, and documenting results in real time.
Some context: In 2019, my mother died. In 2020, I joined TikTok and the pandemic hit. In 2021, suppressed memories surfaced and I cut ties with my entire family and also learned a lot of things about myself, like the fact that I’m autistic. Between then and now, I’ve been methodically examining and documenting the intersecting systems that shaped my life: family systems, institutional care, healthcare, white supremacy, patriarchy, capitalism… they’re all connected, and I’m breaking down exactly how.
What you’ll find here:
- Raw documentation of trauma survival and system navigation
- Technical breakdowns of various support systems and their failures
- Implementation notes on personal growth and advocacy
- Resources I’ve tested and verified through direct experience
What you won’t find:
- Perfect solutions
- Completed journeys
- Sanitized experiences
- Simple answers
Fair warning: I’m still actively testing and implementing what I learn. I’m documenting my failures along with my successes. I’m questioning my own assumptions and biases. This isn’t a polished guide… it’s a real-time log of what happens when you start examining the systems you’ve been operating in.
If you’re here because you’ve experienced similar traumas, I see you.
If you’re here because you’re starting to question these systems yourself, welcome to the process.
If you’re here because you’re already doing the work and want to compare notes, let’s learn together.
This blog is organized into three main categories:
Trauma: Breaking down the systems and experiences that shaped me
Interests & Advocacy: Documenting what I’m learning and implementing
Brain Dump: Processing new revelations and connections in real time
Each post will link to related content for context, building a web of interconnected experiences and insights. Some posts will be heavily technical, breaking down specific systems or implementations. Others will be raw processing of new realizations. All of them will be honest.
I’m not here to be a perfect example. I’m here to document what it looks like to wake up, face reality, and try to implement real change… both personally and systemically. Sometimes it’s going to be messy. Sometimes I’m going to get things wrong. But I’m committed to showing my work, testing my assumptions, and sharing what I learn along the way.
Welcome to my implementation log.