I didn’t realize I was raised evangelical until recently. I always thought I was just raised as a “born again Christian” in a nondenominational church. Turns out that’s just code. Code that I didn’t understand until I started waking up to the reality of how deep white supremacy runs in our society… and how evangelicalism is one of its most effective tools.
My awakening started in early 2020 when I joined TikTok. Sounds weird, right? But that’s where things started cracking open. I remember seeing videos from people living in Africa and having this mind-blowing realization that Africa is a continent with modern cities, infrastructure, and technology… not just the stereotypical images I’d been fed my whole life. It hit me how much I didn’t know, how much had been hidden from me through my evangelical upbringing.
Even though I had rejected evangelical beliefs at age 11, the framework they built in my mind was still there, quietly shaping how I saw the world. I thought I believed in evolution and the big bang theory, but when I actually started learning about them, I realized I had no real understanding. I went down this rabbit hole about evolution and discovered just how complex and fascinating it really is. This wasn’t just about scientific knowledge… it was about recognizing how evangelical thinking had limited my understanding of reality itself.
Then I watched George Floyd and Elijah McClain die. I watched the system murder them in broad daylight… on camera… with no remorse. The way they killed them so carelessly… so violently… like their lives meant nothing. And then Breonna Taylor… murdered in her own bed. The system could just kill Black people on live feed and pretend it wasn’t straight up murder. Because to them, these people really don’t matter. Their lives don’t matter. Their families don’t matter. Their communities don’t matter.
This lead me to watch “The 13th” documentary. It shattered my timeline of history. Slavery wasn’t some distant past… it was yesterday. And it’s still here today, just wearing different clothes. The for-profit prison system, systematic injustices targeting Black men, the whole machine of oppression… it’s all connected, all still running.
Reading “White Fragility” taught me something crucial: being racist isn’t about being a “bad person”… it’s about being part of a system. I have blind spots. I always will. No matter how hard my life has been (and it’s been pretty fucking hard), it’s never been made harder by being Black.
“White Tears Brown Scars” opened my eyes to how white women like me impact Black women and other women of color, even when we don’t mean to.
Here’s where it gets personal: as an autistic person, I’ve spent my life masking… trying to appear “normal.” But what I learned is that this mask wasn’t just about autism. It was crafted by white supremacy to be the epitome of whiteness.. The perfectionism, the quietness, being “polite,” “desirable,” “tasteful,” following the rules, fitting in… it’s all designed to uphold white supremacy. And as a white woman-presenting person, I have a responsibility to let that mask down, to disrupt the status quo and make it safer for oppressed people to do the same.
Understanding evangelical code words helped me see how these systems operate. When they say “pro-life”… when they push anti-trans legislation… when they claim “color blindness” or cry oppression at any attempt at equality… it’s all part of the same playbook. Evangelicalism isn’t just a religious movement… it’s a tool for control, for oppression, for making a few people rich while keeping others down. It’s designed to infiltrate government, to use fear as a weapon, to push away anyone who doesn’t conform.
This awakening isn’t comfortable. It shouldn’t be. But recognizing these patterns, these code words, these systems… it’s the first step toward dismantling them. If you’re starting to question things you were taught, if you’re seeing cracks in what you thought was true, keep pulling that thread. The truth might be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
Because here’s what I’ve learned: white supremacy isn’t just about obvious hatred. It’s about subtle systems, careful language, hidden codes. And until we learn to recognize them, we can’t fight them. This is particularly crucial now, as we watch the separation of church and state crumble and evangelical influence grow stronger in our government.
My journey of waking up isn’t over. It never will be. But now I can see the code words for what they are. And once you see them, you can’t unsee them.
That’s the first step toward change.